


This Is the Night When the World Begins Again

by McKay



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: M/M, snape/lupin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-27
Updated: 2007-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-05 09:56:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/40421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKay/pseuds/McKay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the war, Severus wants proof he's still alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is the Night When the World Begins Again

When Severus drifted back into consciousness at last, he became aware of a familiar, comforting scent - an odd blend of chamomile and Silk Cuts - that made his first thought, _Remus is here_. He attempted the monumental task of opening his eyes, peeking blearily out at the world to confirm his suspicion, and he was gratified to see Remus _was_ there, sitting in a squashy chair with a book in his lap and his glasses nearly sliding off his nose. He tried to speak to get Remus' attention, but all that came out was a raspy garbled noise that sounded nothing like intelligible speech, but it was enough to make Remus glance up sharply.

"You're awake."

_Still the master of stating the obvious, like most Gryffindors_, Severus thought, but he didn't bother trying to voice it aloud.

Remus closed and put aside his book, leaning closer so he could curl his fingers around Severus' hand. "Don't worry about trying to talk yet. Your poor throat probably isn't ready for it. Can you squeeze my hand?"

It took herculean effort, but Severus could, and Remus smiled encouragingly. "Squeeze once for yes and twice for no. Are you in pain anywhere?"

Severus paused to consider whether feeling as if one had been hit by a volley of bludgers qualified for a 'yes' answer, and he took long enough that Remus' smile turned wry, and he amended his question. "Poorly phrased on my part, perhaps. I imagine you're feeling a bit battered overall, but do you have any sharp or intense pain anywhere in particular?"

Severus squeezed his hand twice, and Remus nodded, seeming relieved. "Good. What about your neck? I'm sure it's sore, but does it hurt badly or burn?"

Remus' words brought back the memory of Nagini lunging at him and fastening her fangs on his throat, and he closed his eyes, trying to dispel the terrible images before he squeezed Remus' hand twice. The anti-venom had worked, obviously, and someone must have reached him in time to staunch the bleeding before it was too late.

"It's all right, Severus." Remus' husky voice was soft and soothing, and Severus didn't bother to open his eyes again, especially when he felt Remus' warm fingers combing gently through his hair. "It's over, and you survived."

_So did you. Thank God._ But Severus wouldn't have voiced those thoughts aloud even if he _could_ speak yet; he never did. Instead, he let himself drift away again, breathing deeply of Remus' scent as he did.

When he awoke again, it wasn't quite such an ordeal to open his eyes and look around; he rolled his head on the pillow and wondered if he was in Grimmauld Place or if there was some other house in existence with the same gloomy, dreary decor. Surely not. The room was windowless, so he couldn't tell if it was day or night, and the lights were turned down low. He was alone this time, but he had only a minute or two to wonder how long he'd been out and whether they had won before he heard the creak of a door opening, and he looked to see Remus walking in, bearing a steaming cup of tea.

"Welcome back." Remus smiled warmly, setting his cup on the bedside table as he approached.

"'nk you," Severus managed, which was a vast improvement over last time.

Perching on the edge of the bed beside him, Remus ran his hand down the length of Severus' arm and clasped Severus' hand, squeezing it as if to reassure himself that it was still warm. Still there to be squeezed. "Any particularly bad pain?"

Severus shook his head; he felt less like he had been hammered and left for pulp by rogue bludgers.

"Do you want anything?"

Severus' first thought - that of Remus naked and in bed with him - must have shown in his eyes, because Remus laughed softly and squeezed his hand again. "Perhaps I should have asked if you _need_ anything. Some water, perhaps?"

Again, Severus shook his head, and he managed to squeeze Remus' hand in return. He let his gaze roam, greedily drinking in the sight of his lover, whom he had feared he would never see again; Remus' greying brown hair was tousled as if all he'd done that morning was run his fingers through it, and he obviously hadn't shaved in a couple of days. He was wearing what had to be his oldest, tattiest, most shapeless brown cardigan that did absolutely nothing to flatter him, and yet Severus couldn't get enough of looking at him.

"We win?" he asked at last, finally remembering there were other things in the world besides Remus Lupin.

"We did." Remus laced their fingers and rested their joined hands in his lap. "There was a battle at Hogwarts. You missed quite a lot of grand heroics."

Severus snorted at that, and judging by the mischievous look on Remus' face, it was exactly the reaction Remus wanted to provoke.

"Neville killed Nagini, Molly killed Bellatrix, and Harry killed Voldemort."

Severus frowned, a little disgruntled that Longbottom had been the one to dispatch the creature that had almost been his undoing; he didn't like to think of owing Longbottom anything. "Yer a'right?" he asked, peering at Remus with concern.

"I had a bit of a mishap," Remus admitted. "They thought I was dead for a while. Fortunately, a Healer who happened to be familiar with the hardiness of werewolves came along before they could do more than lay me out with the rest."

Severus squeezed Remus' hand as hard as he could, which must have been fairly hard after all because Remus winced.

"I'm fine," Remus assured him. "They mistook deep unconsciousness for death, especially since someone reported having seen me struck by the Killing Curse. Given all the confusion, I'm not surprised someone saw a near miss and thought I was a goner, but once I regained consciousness, I was patched up far more easily than you."

"Yer wife?" Severus managed to sound scathing despite the roughness of his voice, which was satisfying.

"Happily celebrating life with the man she really loves and their son," Remus replied, seeming unaffected by either Severus' tone or the news he was imparting.

"Stupid plan," Severus grunted, scowling to emphasize his annoyance, and Remus gave him a mildly reproachful look.

"Hermione Obliviated her family and sent them out of the country," he said, stroking the back of Severus' hand. "Even Harry's family were sent into protective custody. In comparison, Tonks trying to deflect attention away from her parents by making herself a bigger target is far less extreme."

"Didn't work."

"No, but at least her mother is still alive, and Percy and Teddy are safe. They can be a real family at last once the annulment is official." Remus paused, his expression softening as he gazed down at Severus. "I applaud her for the effort, and I don't regret helping even if it didn't work as well as she hoped. I _am_ glad it's over, however. All of it, not just the ruse. I'm glad we're both alive and free at last."

"Free..." Severus repeated the word, scarcely able to wrap his mind around the concept in relation to himself. He had been bound in so many ways for so long, he couldn't yet process the idea of being able to live his life as he pleased without being constantly pulled in one direction or another.

"I know. It's all rather overwhelming, isn't it?" Remus squeezed his hand and released it before standing up. "Don't think about it now. Just rest, all right? We'll talk more later."

Severus wanted to protest; he wanted to call Remus back and insist on being told everything all at once and having all his questions answered, but his eyelids were growing heavy, and his mind was still slow and muzzy, and sleep sounded like a better idea than he wanted it to. Grumpily, he acquiesced to the needs of his healing body and drifted back to sleep.

He didn't know how long he spent in a cycle of sleeping and waking, with lessening periods of sleep and lengthening periods of wakefulness, but every time he woke, it was to the scent of tea and cigarettes, and Remus was there, reading, dozing, or sipping a cup of tea, his steady presence reassuring Severus that all was still well. It wasn't long before Remus let him get out of bed - with assistance, of course - and he was able to soak in a hot bath while Remus changed the sheets on his bed and then returned to wash his hair, a sensual experience that reminded his body that he was very much alive and everything was in working order.

They were indeed at Grimmauld Place, Remus informed him, and they were alone there for a time. Potter was more or less living at The Burrow for the time being, and he had agreed to let Remus bring Severus to Grimmauld Place while he recuperated.

"The Healers had done all they could for you," Remus explained as he fluffed up Severus' pillows and pulled up the covers, tucking him in warmly. "It was simply a matter of waiting for you to wake up, and the press were being such an awful nuisance, I thought it best to remove you from the hospital. Poppy has been checking in regularly, and I knew I could call her if you had a relapse."

"The press?" Severus' throat was better, but he still didn't overtax it with too many words, especially since his voice was raspy and harsh, nothing like his usual smooth tone that he could manipulate to make Remus' toes curl.

"Harry told them all about your role in the war." Remus sat down on the edge of the bed beside him and took his hand. "Although he did seem awfully convinced you were in love with Lily," he added, raising one eyebrow. There was a hint of a smile tugging one corner of his mouth, and so Severus wasn't too worried that whatever Potter had said had upset him.

Severus grunted and shrugged. "Might have played it up in hopes of traumatizing Potter from beyond the grave."

Remus chuckled and shook his head. "Did you love her? I wasn't even aware you knew each other that well."

"Did and didn't." Severus plucked restlessly at the covers with his free hand, thoughts of Lily unsettling him as they always did; he would carry that burden until his own death, but he bore it easier now that he had helped to save her son. "Loved her, yes, but wasn't in love. Different Houses, different friends. She drifted away."

"I'm sorry." The compassion in Remus' smile was mirrored in his eyes, and Severus gripped his hand tightly, knowing Remus' sympathy was genuine. Remus bore his own burdens of regret, and he understood. "At any rate," he added in a lighter tone, seeming to realize a change of topic was in order, "you'll be wanted for interviews and an awards ceremony once you're recovered."

"Award?"

"You're receiving the Order of Merlin, First Class." Remus smiled proudly. "You're a hero, Severus."

Severus gaped at him, stunned. A hero? A murderer, a spy, and a former Death Eater - a hero? He had gone without recognition for so long, he could scarcely wrap his mind around the idea that everything he had done and every sacrifice he had made was being acknowledged at last. He felt a surge of vindication and something more, something that made his throat constrict and his eyes burn, but he refused to let himself turn maudlin. Rallying himself, he mustered a snort. "'Bout time they figured out not all heroes are bloody obvious Gryffindors."

"It's about time indeed," Remus agreed, stroking his cheek with gentle fingers. "Now then, what would the mighty war hero like for lunch? Soup? I could make a sandwich if you think your stomach can handle it."

"Werewolf."

Remus gave him an amused look. "That isn't on the menu."

"Should be."

"Severus." Remus' expression softened, but there was banked heat in his eyes, and Severus fancied he could see the wolf pacing in those dark blue depths. "It's only been a week, and you don't need to overexert yourself. Poppy would kill me if I did anything that caused you to relapse."

There were a dozen responses Severus could have made ranging from sulky to scathing; under different circumstances, he might have grown angry or been hurt by the rejection, but he could see the worry and care etched into the lines of Remus' face, and he knew watching him hover on the brink of death had made Remus afraid of doing anything to tip him over that edge. But he was hovering no longer, and while he appreciated the concern for his health and well-being, he knew what he needed.

Being in this room with no contact from the outside world other than Remus had created an air of surreality around the entire situation; intellectually, Severus knew he was alive, and as soon as he could walk farther than from the bed to the loo without growing shaky and weak, he would be able to rejoin the world at last. But right now, he felt isolated, and sometimes, he wasn't even certain any of this was real. Lying in the dark, it was easy for him to wonder if he really had died, and this was some bizarre form of afterlife.

"I need you," he said simply, and he did. He needed to know all this - the room, the house, himself, and most of all Remus - was real, and he wasn't dead, and neither was Remus, and they really were going to spend the rest of their lives together because the war really was over, and he didn't have to worry about following Dumbledore's orders, trying not to be outed as a spy, or pulling Harry bloody Potter's nuts from the fire ever again.

It worked. He knew it would because Remus' will power tended to crumble when someone attempted to persuade him to do something he truly wanted to do in the first place, and in no time, Remus had slipped off his shoes and crawled into bed with him. Severus rolled to lie on his side in a silent hint, tucking his hands beneath his chin.

"Better?" Remus' voice was a husky whisper as he nestled against Severus' back and draped one arm across Severus' waist; it was Severus' favorite position, and as soon as he felt Remus nuzzling the back of his neck, he released a long, slow sigh, his body draining of all tension.

"Better."

Clasping Remus' hand, he drew Remus' arm more closely around himself, savoring the warmth of Remus' body pressed against him, molded to the entire length of his body. This was real, then, for surely Remus wouldn't feel so solid or make Severus feel so grounded if they were nothing but spirits in the afterlife. But he still wanted further affirmation of life, his healing body craving more warmth, more touch, more _everything_. Under the covers, he rucked up the hem of his nightshirt and guided Remus' hand lower until their joined fingers brushed against his half-hard cock, and he could feel rather than hear Remus' chuckling.

"We really shouldn't," Remus murmured, but considering he was already trailing light kisses along the side of Severus' neck, Severus didn't think he was going to balk now.

"Don't care," Severus replied, untangling their fingers and pushing Remus' hand where he wanted it to be. "Want you."

"Do you want me to fuck you?" Remus' voice ghosted past his ear, and it was the combination of warm breath and hot words that made Severus close his eyes and shudder.

"Yes."

Remus drew back a little, and Severus heard the tone and cadence of Remus' voice rather than the actual words this time, but it didn't take a great intuitive leap to figure out Remus had uttered a banishing charm when Severus realized his nightshirt was gone, and he could feel bare skin pressed against his back, making him shiver again with growing need. Remus' teeth grazed the back of his neck, and he tilted his head forward, gasping when Remus bit down on the bare curve where neck turned into shoulder, his arousal doubling. Remus curled his fingers around Severus' cock and began to stroke it with an unhurried rhythm, continuing to nuzzle and bite lightly along Severus' shoulder, and Severus closed his eyes, attuning himself to each touch, letting it soak into his skin and remind him that yes, this was real, and yes, they were alive. It felt like eons since he had known the feel of Remus' body, warm and naked, against his own, and there had been so many long nights he had lay sleepless in his empty bed, thinking about Remus sleeping with his wife and wondering if he would live to make up the time they had lost because of the war.

"Did you..." He trailed off, realizing this was probably not the most tactful time to ask, but Remus stilled his hand.

"Did I what?" Remus' voice was soft and husky, deepened with arousal.

"Did you ever touch her?"

Behind him, Remus went still for a moment, and Severus was on the verge of damning himself for ruining the moment when he felt Remus release his cock and wrap his arm firmly around Severus instead, pulling him closer. "I may have married someone else," Remus said, the tone of his voice brooking no argument, "but I was never unfaithful to you."

Something brittle and tight within Severus crumbled, and he drew in a sharp gasp, feeling as if he could breathe full and freely again after a year of constriction. Reaching up and back, he plunged his fingers into Remus' hair and pushed his arse back against Remus' groin. "Now."

Remus asked no questions and voiced no words of caution or hesitation, which was a good thing, because Severus might have had to hex him if he'd asked whether Severus was really ready or not; instead, Severus heard him mutter a charm and heard the sticky wet noises that meant Remus was slicking his cock with salve, preparing himself, and _finally_, Severus felt the blunt head of Remus' cock against the tight pucker of his arse, and he shifted his leg and rolled forward to accommodate Remus, pushing out as Remus pushed in and biting his lip at the exquisite burn as Remus entered him with shallow rocking thrusts, seeming to take forever to fill him.

And then he was there, buried balls-deep and holding still, and Severus turned his face to the pillow and tried not to sob with relief, although his shoulders shook despite his best efforts; Remus slid one hand down his chest to his cock and crooned nonsense in his ear, rocking slowly, so slowly, that it didn't even seem as if he was thrusting at all until Severus became aware of the subtle rhythm of their bodies. Remus was taking a leisurely pace, and that was fine with Severus; there would be time enough for frantic desperation later when he felt strong enough to drive Remus mad in return. Right now, slow and easy was good, so good, and Severus let desire wash over him in waves, pulling him down and drowning him in sensation.

They rocked forever, the pleasure-tension building within Severus, unfurling, growing, spreading its tendrils, and when he came at last, his entire body shuddered and arched, wracked by the sheer power of his release, and a moment later, Remus choked out Severus' name as he thrust and came, grinding against Severus' arse as if trying to bury himself even deeper.

The sound of their labored breathing filled the room, and eventually, Severus cleared the post-coital fog out of his brain enough to clasp Remus' sticky hand and draw Remus' arm more tightly around himself as Remus nuzzled the nape of his neck. He thought perhaps there were things he ought to say, but he didn't know whether or not he could get the words out if he tried. Neither of them were adept at saying the important things, too accustomed to secrets and subterfuge to be entirely open even in the safety of their bed when normal people would be indulging in soppy pillow talk.

Instead, they were both silent, but with Remus wrapped around him and their legs entwined, their hearts and lungs falling into a matching rhythm as they drifted closer to sleep, Severus didn't much care. The language of their bodies spoke far more eloquently than anything their tongues could muster.

A few days later, he felt strong enough to go downstairs, and Remus even agreed to let him go outside; he stood on the doorstep, blinking in the bright sunlight and watching the world for the first time in nearly two weeks. Cars zoomed by on the street beyond the gate, and flowers were in bloom in the tiny but carefully tended front gardens up and down the street, little reassurances that the world was still turning, free of the threat that had loomed over it for so long. Beside him, Remus had one arm around his waist to steady him and a cigarette in his free hand, taking the occasional drag; the smoke drifted to Severus' nose, blending with the scent of chamomile that permeated Remus' clothes, and Severus breathed in deeply.

_Remus is here_, he thought, and he knew it would be true for the rest of their lives.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for innerslytherin in Snupin Santa 2007.


End file.
